I couldn't live without you
by Neo-MrAnderson
Summary: Three years after Nagisa's death, Tomoya is still grieving. When he visits Ushio at the Bakery, Akio has had too much to drink and blames Tomoya for everything. Hurt by the words, he decides to end his life. These are his final hours... one shot...i think


**I do NOT own ANY characters from this anime, or this anime itself.**

**Just this story. **

**Please enjoy…**

**9:30 P.M.**

"What the hell do you want? It's late..."

I could tell Akio had been drinking again. I tried to ignore him, I just wasn't in the mood to deal with his antics tonight. Even though I auto piloted through it, my body was telling me that work was hard again today.

"I'm here to get Ushio. I've got the day off tomorrow, so I thought I'd spend some time with her."

"So now you've decided you want to be a parent huh?"

From that remark I could tell I needed to get out of here quick. I made my way for the stairs. Akio's hand halted my approach.

"You didn't answer my question dip shit…"

"That's no way to talk to you're grand daughter's father honey."

Sunae's beautiful voice echoed from the top of the stairs. As she came down, I saw the bottle in her hand. Flashes of my beloved Nagisa ran through my mind. She looked so much like Sunae it hurt to come here. I withheld my pain and attempted a smile for her.

"Is she all set?"

"All of her things are in the bag upstairs, I'll go get them for you. You should come by more often Tomoya, we really do miss you dear."

"Work's been keeping me busy, I haven't really had a free day in a while. So when my boss told me I had tomorrow off, I thought I'd take the opportunity to spend time with Ushio."

"Fair enough. I'll bring her to you now."

Sunae gave me a withered smile, and I could tell that the baby was a handful as usual. I wanted to smile back but I couldn't. I could barely bring myself to look at her half the time. Akio interrupted my thoughts...

"You should take Ushio to see Nagisa while you have her. Let her spend some time with her mother; it is Nagisa's birthday tomorrow after all."

The pain shot through me like a jagged edged point of an arrow. How could I have forgotten that? How? I choked back the lump in my throat as I spoke.

"No no, I think I'm just gonna take her to the park to play in the snow… Maybe some other time"

The fist came from nowhere and struck with such force and speed that I was instantly submitted to it's power. As I sat on the floor and held my face, Akio stood over me glaring with hatred. Not anger, it was much more powerful than that…

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? ARE YOU THAT HEARTLESS? SUCH A FUCKING PUSSY THAT YOU WON'T EVEN VISIT YOUR DEAD WIFE'S GRAVE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER?"

"Akio! What are you doing?"

I looked to see my little Ushio in her hands crying.

"Sunae take the baby back upstairs… She's not going anywhere with this low life. "

"Honey is this really necessary?"

"Akio, you're drunk… why don't you go upstairs and lie down. You can give her to me now Sunae."

I stood up and reached for my little Ushio. He blocked my hands and stood in front of the two of them. As he looked me in the eyes, I could see the hatred again. Even through the gloss induced by his over consumption of alcohol, I could see and feel the hatred he had toward me…

"I wanna go wit da-dy~"

"Sunae, do as I say woman and take Ushio back upstairs."

"But honey-"

"JUST DO IT SUNAE!"

"Akio this isn't funny. Just cut the shit and let me take my child home."

I never thought I'd be scared of anyone, but when he turned to look at me… He wasn't human at that moment, he was something dangerous and dark… He was pure hatred. I found myself paralyzed by his gaze…

"_Your child?_ HA! Don't make me fucking laugh! You ain't in no way this kids father… You barely come to see her once a month; IF THAT! You never keep your promises to her. You barley even buy clothes or food for her! Me and Sunae do all the work… This is our child. You ain't SHIT to her kid…"

"Da-dy~"

Ushio cried out to me. My little Ushio; the only thing that could keep me from the consumption of dispair. The happiness that came from the pain. I just wanted to hold my little girl…

"Honey please don't do this. It's too much for the child to bare witness to."

"She's right Akio, now move so I can get my daughter."

… He'd hit me again. I didn't fall, but I stumbled back. My eyes where a little hazy, and my head was spinning. But I could hear her; I could hear my little Ushio crying. But I could hear him too.

"I've dealt with this piece of shit for three years babe, but I'm done now! I can't take it. Every time I see you, you make me sick to my stomach… you're the scum of the fucking earth. You won't even take responsibility of your own child, but instead hand her off to her aging grand parents!"

"Akio don't do this!"

"DAAADYYY!"

"What are you getting at old man!"

I tried to make a stand, a feeble attempt at a rebellion my body and heart couldn't put up. I thought I could handle what was coming next, but it was so powerful that the very essence of my being was rattled…

"IT'S YOUR FAULT NAGISA'S DEAD!"

"You don't mean that!"

The word's penetrated my heart down to my soul and chilled me to the bone. They echoed and rattled in my head as he continued.

"Oh yes I do Sunae. She should have never met you! Why couldn't you have just kept walking?"

Akio choked on the words. Suppressing the tears as best he could. I wasn't able to…

He was right. It was my fault; if I'd have minded my own business and kept walking, she would be here now. She would have stayed in her lonely shy world, and wouldn't have been involved with me. She would have never gotten out of her shell, and we would have never fallen in love. We would have never had a baby; Ushio wouldn't have been born and Nagisa would probably be here in the bakery today. It really is all my fault…

My body went into auto pilot for the second time that day and I can't remember what happened before I got home…

"I'm sorry to have bothered you this late at night. I'll be leaving now…"

My body walked out of the shop and turned to walk down the street. As it walked it could hear Akios tear and anger filled voice behind it.

"That's right leave! Don't ever show your fucking face here again! Matter of fact, WHY DON'T YOU JUST FIND A DARK SPACE TO CURL UP AND DIE!"

My body continued to walk…

**11:17 P.M.**

I found myself in front of my door holding a bag full of sake. Not sure how I got it but certain of what I planned to do with it. I walked into the apartment and sat down in the room adjacent the door. I didn't bother to turn on any lights; something was telling me I was suppose to keep them off. I reached into the bag and pulled out one of the bottles. Without hesitation I opened it and tipped it up and let the liquid fall through me…

**11:58 P.M.**

The tears flowed as flashes of my beloved Nagisa ran through my mind. I grabbed one of the Dango I had bought her and put it to my face. Even after all these years, it still smelled like you; warm and sweet like cinnamon… I took another gulp of sake and finished my third bottle. As the tears continued to flow like rivers from my eyes I reached for another bottle. The bag was empty…

I pulled up in front of the store, barely bringing the car to a stop directly in front of the door. I stumbled out the car and into the store. As I made my way to the liquor isle, I realized that this was the first store me and Nagisa shopped together at. I saw phantoms of us walking through isles together. Happy and in love.

"I'm so sorry… Please forgive me."

I sobbed as I grabbed the bottle from the rack. After paying for it, I got back in my car and drove

**1:23 A.M.**

I don't know when I got it, or even why. But the gun was in my hand either way. I stared at it for a long time, thinking of what I should do with it. Visions of my sweet little Ushio flooded my brain, and for a second I smiled through the tears. She was so adorable, those big bright eyes and that cute little smile. Just like… Nagisa's… The tears flowed as I cried aloud and fell to my hands and knees. I was at a total lost in my life.

"I can't do it… I can't. How am I suppose to go on without her? Nagisa! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen… If I could go back I would have kept walking! I can't live like this! I can't live in this world without you in it…"

I cried and cried, but the pain didn't subside… I was defeated. This life had beat me. First it took my Nagisa, and now my little Ushio. It was too much to take…

**1:59 A.M.**

I pulled the gun up to my temple and held it there. I breathed fast and heavily as I prepared myself for what was to come… They say that before you die, your life flashes before you… All I could see were the images of the time spent with my girls. It was beautiful, but also painful. And it only solidified my willingness to welcome the cold hand of death. I cocked the hammer and closed my eyes…

"I'm sorry Ushio, I just can't stay here any more…"

"If you'd like…"

My heart stopped as I heard that sweet, familiar, loving voice. I opened my eyes to see her. There. Right in front of me. Nagisa shown with a light bright as the sun. the tears welled in my eyes and fallowed the paths down my cheeks left for them.

"I'll take you. To a special place… A place where all your wishes. Come true…"

She smiled that warm beautiful smile as she reached her hand out to me. I smiled through the tears and closed my eyes.

I pulled the trigger after answering…

"Sure…"

**2:00 A.M.**

**a/n: Forgive me if you were expecting something more fulfilling. But this is something I had to get off my chest. I felt like a tragedy is what happened when Nagisa died giving birth, so I felt this tragedy ending after that episode in 'After Story' was fitting. I based it loosely off of romeo and juliet (can't live without you so I kill myself cuz ur already dead thing). A little cheesy but I think it worked out. I gotta be honest, I put in the line from the school play because It seemed sweet and a genuine thought to have before you die/kill yourself. I also have to openly admit that even though I'm a heterosexual male, I teared up a little when Nagisa died. I guess this was a product of how I felt after that episode.**

**Hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did making it…**

"**It's inevitable, Mr. Anderson…"**

"**I know… It was such a sad story I couldn't**

**Help but cry a little *sob*"**


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